Home Fibroid Mornings Get over it – a letter to myself

Get over it – a letter to myself

The sky as photographed by Monica while out walking May 30th 2014

Dear Monica, it doesn’t matter.

That you are worrying about it is beyond ridiculous. Stop it. Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. And just stop it. Seriously. You are torturing yourself on account of who? On account of what? You are being irrational. You are abusing yourself with your own thoughts. And it’s as easy to stop doing as to keep doing. Which do you prefer? Stop it. Turn off the torture station and be done with it. Get. Over. It. Repeat. Get. Over. It.

You don’t need anyone’s approval. You don’t need anyone’s permission to “be”. You are. So just be. And let go of this nonsense fear of what people may or may not be thinking. If people think you’re stupid and pathetic that’s what they think. You can’t control what people think. You can only control how you allow it to affect you–what you allow it to make you think of yourself and how you allow it to make you feel about yourself.

Be proud of yourself. Recognize how strong you are. Thank yourself for what you have done because it’s no small feat the way you have held yourself together through all your life’s struggles. It’s okay, Monica. Allow yourself to be.

Morning has broken

It’s been so many years. Wow. I have been alive a long time. There was a time in my life when the song “Morning has broken” was something that was regularly sung. Whether it was sung at school during morning worship, sung at church or sung at home just idly singing church songs. I can’t even remember that girl. I think she must have liked singing; but she was so shy she probably never sang out very loudly or showed any enthusiasm while singing.

And how amazing is the mind? You have memories you don’t know you have and then you wake up one morning and you remember a song you haven’t heard in years and you still remember how to sing it — you remember the tune and you remember the words. I just googled “Morning has Broken” and I watched this video from 1973 and all I’m thinking, “You know what Monica, you are going to die one day and it may be sooner than later. Regardless if it’s soon or later, it is a fact. Your life is going to end. So in the meantime, just live and stop with the regrets. Because nothing really matters.”

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My name is Monica. I have fibroids. My fibroids are large enough that they have transformed my figure into something I am still trying to learn how to live with. In the meantime while I try to learn how to live with my fibroids I am also trying every possible method I can find to try to shrink them naturally because I am afraid of the idea of a hysterectomy. I lived with fibroids from 2007 - 2016. I started documenting my experiences on this blog in 2012. On March 7th 2016 I had a hysterectomy out of concern that I might have ovarian cancer. It did not turn out that I had ovarian cancer. The cancer scare forced the hysterectomy I was trying to avoid, and so, I became fibroid free as of March 7th 2016. I will try to keep this blog up and running in the hope that it will be of some use to others going through what I went through.


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