It has been a very long time since I did a post. I have kept meaning to do one but just never got around to it. I don’t even remember where things stood at the time of my last update. I am sitting here today, the day before Christmas Day 2013 feeling frustrated. I just finished speaking to one of my sisters. She is going to be getting surgery to remove a growth of some type from her stomach. She said she’s tired of walking around looking like she ate a cow. It’s interesting because whenever I have complained about hating having to walk around looking pregnant she never really seemed to have any sympathy for me. Maybe I only imagined it but I always picked up a little irritation from her as if she felt like I was being thoughtless to be complaining about my protruding stomach to someone who did not have a flat stomach herself. The thing is, my sister was one of the first people to talk me out of getting a hysterectomy back at the beginning of this whole nightmare with fibroids. Maybe I’m being silly but I’m feeling some frustration for having allowed myself to be talked out of getting the surgery when I had the opportunity to do it. One of my sisters who talked me out of the surgery has since gotten her fibroid problem resolved via uterine fibroid embolization because she could no longer live with having a huge stomach; and here is another who has decided she can no longer live with having a huge stomach so she too will be getting the growth in her stomach that is causing the protrusion removed. The difference here is that they have the means to get treatment. I don’t; but I did then when they talked me out of doing it. (Note to my sisters, I love you. I re-read this and see that it sounds like I’m blaming you for my predicament and feeling anger towards you that is unjustified. When you talked me out of having the procedure in the beginning you were doing it out of concern for me and I should not have let my moment of frustration on the day I wrote this post cause me to overlook that very important point. So please forgive me?)
For those of you who might have read some of my past updates who might be wondering where things now stand, I still have the fibroids. My stomach fluctuates in growth depending on what is going on in my life. The juice fasting always helps to reduce the appearance of pregnancy; but it never actually shrinks the fibroids, and it appears it might compromise your metabolism the more you do it. I have noticed that I gain weight very rapidly after a fast these days even while my eating habits have not changed in any way.
Nothing I have tried, and that includes DIM supplements which I have been using for more than 6 months now, has shrunken my fibroids. I wish I could say that my efforts at shrinking fibroids naturally have been successful but they have not. I do believe that there have been many improvements. My stomach is not as large. I am very seldom in pain. I feel much better generally and I’m still here. I believe it was in 2010 that the doctor told me my situation was quite urgent. I was left with the impression that if I didn’t get my uterus out soon something tragic could possibly happen. But I am sitting here feeling better today than I did in 2010. It’s just that I still have fibroids. And my stomach still protrudes.
Are there worse things than having a protruding stomach? Of course there are worse things than having a protruding stomach; but like my sisters, I’d rather not have to walk around looking pregnant when I’m not; and it seems like the only way that is going to happen is if I get a hysterectomy.
While I can’t stand up here and tell you that shrinking fibroids naturally is possible, I won’t tell you that shrinking fibroids naturally is not possible because other people say they have done it. But my experience after several years of trying just about everything is that shrinking fibroids naturally has not proven to be possible for me.
Am I frustrated? Yes. I am frustrated. I still don’t have any health insurance right now. I tried so sign up for health insurance under the Affordable Care Act and I was too poor to qualify. As you might recall if you read any of my previous posts, I wasn’t poor enough to qualify for emergency medicaid when I tried to get it in 2010 after I was told I had to get my uterus out post haste. Now I am being told I am too poor to qualify for health insurance under the Affordable Care Act and I need to try to qualify for medicaid. I am highly insulted to be quite frank but I guess I just need to face reality. I mean, whatever I may want to think of myself the fact is, I can’t afford to pay $600 per month for health insurance. I simply don’t have it; and my hubby barely makes any money and has no insurance via his job. I work for myself and have done so for going on two decades and in the last few years I’ve hardly made any money at all. Mine is a complicated situation. I won’t bore you with the details, but you can trust that there’s more to my situation than I can sum up in a blog post. But I have to find a way to take better care of myself than this. And yes, that means I need to seriously consider giving up this quest to shrink my fibroids naturally, and trying to find a way to get the surgery I refused when I had the opportunity to get it.
I don’t blame my sisters for the fact that I let them talk me out of getting the hysterectomy. At the end of the day, I was afraid and I was looking for people to convince me to listen to my fears. Right this very moment I do regret that I listened to my fears; but regret is pointless. I did listen to my fears. Now here I am.
I can’t even remember if it was 2007 or 2009 that I first discovered the growth in my stomach. I think it was 2007 because I’ve been battling this problem for more than 4 years. To have your quality of life affected for that many years by growths in your stomach that you can get removed without having to hope that some natural remedy will work doesn’t seem sensible to me right now. Yes, my mother lived with hers and I never heard her crying because her protruding stomach ruined her figure; and it’s not as if getting my flat stomach back is going to change my life somehow. But I am sick and tired of having fibroids. And I don’t think I’m going to waste any more time and energy on trying to shrink my fibroids naturally.
If I ever manage to get the insurance that I need. I am going to get the hysterectomy. And if I die during the surgery, well, I guess that will just be the way my story ends.
I wish success to all of you who are trying to shrink your fibroids naturally.
Update March 21 2014
I have decided to update this post because I think it could be discouraging to someone who is hoping to shrink her fibroids using natural means. When I wrote this post I was very frustrated about my situation. I was not in the most rational frame of mind.
Having spent the last couple of days looking through pictures of myself that I’ve taken over the last few years, I don’t think that it would be correct to say that my efforts to shrink my fibroids naturally were a waste of time. I think I did have a some success with a number of the remedies tried; and it wasn’t the remedies that failed me (although admittedly some were a waste of time). I failed myself. You see, this isn’t a game that you can decide you’re in the mood to play today but not in the mood to play tomorrow. You have to be committed 100% every day for the rest of your life. Even after menopause when the fibroids shrink, if they shrink, this is about taking care of yourself every day from the inside out–not so you can have a flat stomach but for the sake of your mental, emotional and physical well-being.
Yes, I did have success in trying to shrink my fibroids naturally; but I kept setting myself back by doing things that make the fibroids grow back.
I am now trying to start over again.