Hi, I know, it’s been a while since I wrote a post. I don’t have fibroids any more so maintaining the website is a little bit hard. But I’m hoping to come back to it starting with this blog post. Recently I read some of my old posts on this blog and it reminded me of what I went through from 2007 when I discovered that I had fibroids until 2016 when I had a hysterectomy. I needed that reminder; because I’ve been so caught up lately in trying to make something happen for myself with my singing and songwriter “career”, that I’ve lost touch with this version of Monica. And frankly, I think this version of Monica was in a more honest place mentally and emotionally than the singer, songwriter Monica is in at present.
This blog once served to help keep me focused on a goal of mental, emotional and physical wellness. It helped me figure things out about my life and about myself. And I believe that in large part due to my experiences with fibroids, struggling for almost ten years of my life to deal with everything that came with the situation, and using this blog as a way of coping, fighting and trying to find myself, I became strong enough and confident enough to begin this next chapter of pursuing my singing and songwriting interests. But, in trying to create a new persona for the sake of keeping up social media appearances, I have lost some of that confidence and self understanding and self acceptance that I was forced to nurture and develop while living with fibroids. I have forgotten what I went through, what I’ve had to overcome in my life–how I got to this point in the first place.
Before I continue on this train of thought, I will say that I have zero regrets about getting the hysterectomy. How can I regret not having such an enormous tumor growing inside me? Many of you who are suffering with fibroids think that your fibroids are large because they are the size of an orange or a grapefruit. I understand that any size fibroid is a problem. But I was one of the extreme cases. My fibroid was massive. I often looked like I was close to being ready to give birth. I saw some of the pictures yesterday and I was horrified. It really hit me what I was living with for so many years. And I shuddered at the thought that I could still be living with it. Or that I might have died by now due to not getting it removed. More than one doctor felt that eventually the fibroid would cause my death due to its massive size. And my lack of regret isn’t just because I no longer have to worry about dying on account of having a massive tumor growing inside me. I feel like the hysterectomy gave me a second chance at life. It changed my life in ways that my life desperately needed to change. And no part of menopause is so unpleasant as to leave me conflicted about the matter at any point in time. On the contrary, I am beyond thankful that I am not going through that hell every month. And there are other ways in which I have been freed that make the idea of regret silly.
If you’re struggling with your decision to have a hysterectomy or not, I can’t make any suggestions to you what to do. All I can say is that I was emphatic in my opposition to the idea. I refused to do it when I was first told that the fibroid was so big it could possibly compromise my life. I was too afraid. So I spent the next several years trying to shrink my fibroid using natural remedies. There were times when I thought some of the remedies were working. But then things started to go haywire. I probably would have still refused the surgery, but I was told there were signs I might have ovarian cancer. And that the only way to know would be to perform a surgical evaluation. At that point I made the decision to just go ahead and do the surgery. And I decided that, regardless what they found, I wanted to remove my ovaries as well. Because I did not want to ever again have to go through what I had gone through for nearly 10 years. My decision was the right decision for me. Doesn’t mean it will be the right decision for you. If you’re still in your thirties or early forties for example, a drastic procedure such as what I had done might not be the best idea. It’s already a hugely life changing thing to remove your uterus. Removing your ovaries, cervix and the whole works, it’s going to change your life on an even bigger scale. So you definitely want to be certain that you have no other options before going that route.
As for me, like I said, I have no regrets. Although my life has been changed, what I have lost is nothing compared with what I have gained. In fact, much of what I have lost are things that were keeping me unhappy, lacking in self esteem, lacking in confidence and always filled with fear. And the loss of them has freed me to focus on finding myself and focus on trying to create something for myself after a lifetime of just existing and being there to perform one service or another for other people. Although I can’t sing particularly well, I have always loved to sing, and after waking up from a dream in January 2017, I decided to become a singer-songwriter. I have two singles out and an album forthcoming. Sometimes I get caught up in counting listens, likes and follows and all that nonsense and I become depressed and start feeling defeated. Because no one is any more interested in me and my music than they were interested in anything else I’ve ever done trying to create a life for myself. But reading some of the posts I wrote over the years while battling fibroids, it reminds me what the bleep I’ve been through in my life, starting all the way back in my young childhood before I was even seven years old. To be at this point, to have found the courage to pursue something I love–something that fills me with joy–it’s not a small matter. And I can’t allow myself to become defeated and to quit on myself just because no one is interested in my work. I’ve come this far in my life never being able to win over a single person. Because people don’t care for my vibe. They judge me without knowing who I am, and they decide they don’t like me for one reason or another. What can I do about that? There’s really nothing I can do about that. I have to stay focused on the journey. I have to keep marching on even if I am the only soldier in my army. And so, on I march.
I wish peace to all of you who are reading. If you’ve gotten to this point, and you’re feeling me in any small way, thank you for understand. I hope I’ve said something that helps you. If not, what can I say? We’ve all got to figure out our own stuff. And I wish you all the best in figuring out whatever it is you’re trying to figure out.
Hi, Monica… Thanks for your post(s). I too have been struggling with fibroids for many years now and I keep thinking that if I would just become more diligent with whatever protocols are required, I will be successful in shrinking them. But I’m not sure what has happened to my willpower. I can’t even go one day being really healthy. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I also love to sing (although I don’t have a good voice). And I have written songs. How would I go about creating an album? Have you enter your songs in song writing contests?Good luck with all of your endeavors!
Can you please let me know what changes you feel in your body, mind, spirit, good or not so good, as it relates to the hysterectomy. Are there supplements that need to be taken to balance anything that may have changed hormonally? I have heard some horror stories like being unable to hold your urine, other organs shifting to compensate the now empty space. But I have also heard two (2) women say that their hot flashes/flushes have diminished significantly after they had their hysterectomies. That would be a plus as I have been having flashes for five and a half years (5-1/2) years. I know we are not all the same and things affect us differently, but I would appreciate any information you would like to share.
Hi Heidi Lo, thank you for your comment and good wishes. I’m probably not the best person to give advice on how to go about creating an album. I am doing it the DIY way. I was lucky enough to find a very talented musician to help me with turning my compositions into full-fledged songs that can be released. They aren’t the highest quality given the lack of money, but they suffice. I’ll be happy to tell you the steps I took if you want more information. Just send me an email.
As for the changes I feel in my body, mind and spirit as it relates to the hysterectomy, it is definitely a challenge to maintain a balance on my own. I find that without supplements, the hot flashes and mood swings can become severe and the resulting depression is at times concerning. But as long as I am taking the supplements everything is okay. I am able to keep the mood swings controlled. Hot flashes are infrequent and short-lived when they do happen. I don’t have any physical changes like urine control problems etc. My body functions normally. Aside from the 12 inch scar, there’s no evidence that I underwent surgery to remove my entire reproductive system. I feel like I am physically stronger than I’ve ever been. Could just be kidding myself, but I definitely think that my body mind and spirit are in much better shape post-hysterectomy than in the years I lived with the Fibroids and arguably, than I have been since age 30.
I hope this helps. Good luck with your own situation. I hope you are able to find a solution that works.
Raise your vibration. That is how others will be attracted to you. Check out Love or Above – Christie Marie Sheldon.
Glad to read you’re doing so well. Love to you, sweet Monica! 🎶🎵
Thank you El. I very much appreciate your kind words.
I know this blog is old and probably unmonitored, however, I just wanted to list a few things that have helped me during my fibroid shrinking journey.
Here is a short list of supplements and tonics that I have been taking for the past year or so, my belly has gone from 31″ to 27.5.
I sometimes fast or do dietary restrictions but I am not consistent with them, I am sure if I could maintain a vegan/vegetarian diet for an extended time I would see better results, but here is my list for anyone that is out here searching for answers.
Serrapeptase – I started out taking 40 spu once per day. Each week I would add one/two more per day, until I got up to four per day. I gradually increased the spu dosage and now I am up to 120k spu. Please start off slow, and please do a cleanse before taking this supplement.
Aloe Vera Juice – I add this to my water. Whenever I fast I usually add more aloe vera to my water.
Lydia Pinkham – This is a tonic, or some refer to it as snake oil but it is loaded with herbs and vitamins. Again, I started off slow then I started drinking it more aggressively. After I incorporated this into my daily regimen the fibroids started to die off extensively. And when I say die off I am referring to the constant discharge and smelly vagina. This is totally normal, but not sexy for those who are sexually active.
Pink Stork Fertility Sweets – These are essentially ‘candies’ that are all natural and made with herbs. I had a sweet tooth one night and ate five at one time. Two days later I started cramping and that is essentially when the fibroids started to die off.
There are more herbs, supplements, and vitamins that I take but not consistently. What I have listed above is what has shown the most impressive results. I no longer have the obvious fibroid belly, however, since today’s beauty standard is to have a washboard stomach via bbl surgery, I am a little self conscious about showing my figure in tight clothes. I am only a size 2-4 but I do have a slight pouch but I no longer get the stares and questions about when am I due!
I appreciate your encouragement to practice my joy with or without support.