I had some tough patches heading into evening today. But I managed to get through them. It’s been a different kind of day for me. I spent the majority of it off the computer doing stuff around the house. I was supposed to go out but that didn’t work out on account of an incident that tried to turn an otherwise calm and lovely day into a nightmare.
I consumed the usual today: water, nut butter, almond butter blended in what remained of the coconut milk from yesterday. And for dinner the soup shown in the featured picture.
It was another spinach and kale soup made by cooking the spinach and kale in a pan with olive oil, garlic and a small onion, adding some salt to taste, and blending with water in the blender. It tasted much better than the one I made for lunch on Day 3.
During the tough patches experienced today I had that conversation in my head about why I’m suffering myself to avoid solid food. I was thinking to myself that eating isn’t just important for nourishment. It’s also important for mental and emotional balance. I’m speaking from a personal perspective of course. Eating for comfort isn’t a good thing when you do it to the point where you lose control over yourself. But sometimes a nice warm meal can make you feel a little happier for a minute.
I’ve had such an unfortunate relationship with food my whole life. I spent so many years being afraid and ashamed to eat. I was afraid to eat because I was afraid of gaining weight. And I was ashamed to eat because I felt like everyone was watching me, paying attention to everything from how I chewed my food, how I looked while chewing, how much food food I was eating. It’s quite a story. But I won’t bore anyone with it. I bring it up to say that at this point in my life I want to be able to enjoy eating. And by eating I mean the process that involves biting into and chewing up food.
But it’s interesting how I only have these impulses and the accompanying thoughts at high stress moments in my day. Only when I begin to feel a little agitated and anxious does my mind go down that road of thinking that eating something I have to bite and chew will make me happy. Outside of those spells I don’t feel like I’m depriving myself. I feel very much in control and significantly more balanced than I do when I am primarily eating solid food.
Note: By solid food I don’t mean solid as it compares to liquid but food that requires biting and chewing. This is not a liquid diet.