Yesterday’s visit to the gynecological oncologist went reasonably well I suppose. No further testing was done. No examinations etc. It went more or less the same as last year when I thought I had been sent to him in order to get a cancer screening; but it turned out I was mistaken and they had only sent me for a surgery consultation.

He basically just said immediately upon entering the room, “well, it’s really about whether you want to get the surgery or not.”

I had to ask about the cancer concerns that were raised by the doctor who ordered the CT scan. After all those scary things we read, and after her followup message to my follow-up inquiry which was basically that the mass appeared to be coming from the ovary and that due to the fluid in the abdomen and other present soft tissue in addition to the increase in size of the mass, cancer was a concern, this doctor made it seem as if cancer wasn’t much of a concern at all. Like I said, I had to bring that up. He wasn’t even going to mention cancer at all. And he went so far to say that the mass appears to be coming from the uterus, which is completely different from what the other doctor said.

I have to admit that I find this doctor a bit blasé in his approach. My son was present with me and asked some questions and at one point the doctor responded by saying “no one else wanted to do it.” He was talking about the surgery. He was saying that the size of the mass was such that it increased the surgery risks. My son was trying to get him to further elaborate on that and he laughingly said, “no one else wanted to do it.” In other words, at least as we interpreted it, the surgery will be so risky that the normal department that would have done it didn’t want to do it and sent me over to him.

The impression that I was under both last year and now was that the cancer concerns were the reason I was referred to him. So that’s more than a little bit disconcerting to be totally honest. But what choice do I have at this point? If this thing continues to grow it seems it could cost me my life one way or another. I can’t afford to concern myself with the doctor’s questionable bedside manner. They say he’s an excellent surgeon, and if the surgery is going to be as risky as they suggest then what I need most isn’t a nice, humane surgeon but a competent surgeon. Ideally I would have a competent surgeon who is also nice and humane; but all I need is to come through this thing in one piece.

Anyway, if I dwell on this too much I will start to slip into a frame of mind that will not be in any way helpful to me. I have to believe that this will work out the way it should. I clearly can no longer avoid the surgery. And I’m not in a position to pick and choose. And it wouldn’t matter if I had a surgeon who was all mollifying and going the extra mile to pacify me. He would be no more genuinely invested in my welfare than the current surgeon who’s clearly not in the business of hand-holding and reassuring people like me. He deals daily with people who need his comfort and assurances far more than some irresponsible woman with a bowling ball sized tumor in her gut who should have had it removed ages ago but keeps wasting everybody’s time because she’s afraid. If I want to be a pathetic little baby and risk my life in the process, that’s my choice. I can’t fault him for not being interested in wasting his time trying to reassure me and my kid that all will be well. That’s not his job.


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My name is Monica. I have fibroids. My fibroids are large enough that they have transformed my figure into something I am still trying to learn how to live with. In the meantime while I try to learn how to live with my fibroids I am also trying every possible method I can find to try to shrink them naturally because I am afraid of the idea of a hysterectomy. I lived with fibroids from 2007 - 2016. I started documenting my experiences on this blog in 2012. On March 7th 2016 I had a hysterectomy out of concern that I might have ovarian cancer. It did not turn out that I had ovarian cancer. The cancer scare forced the hysterectomy I was trying to avoid, and so, I became fibroid free as of March 7th 2016. I will try to keep this blog up and running in the hope that it will be of some use to others going through what I went through.


  1. You’re in my thoughts. I won’t be going back to any male doctors in the future. Just a totally different experience. I want a doctor who has my parts. My last doctor seemed to be unwilling to talk about any other procedures beyond hysterectomy. When I mentioned myomectomy, he said he really didn’t have experience doing those. So I’m supposed to give up my entire uterus because you don’t have skills???? I felt he just wanted to upgrade to a Lexus or yacht. He had no concerns about my plans or perspective. He even chuckled when he said you don’t plan on having anymore kids, right? I stopped listening after he said he didn’t have surgery skills.

    Do these issues show up any better on an MRI? If you can get a third opinion before the surgery, it wouldn’t hurt. But maybe insurance would prevent that. Either way, follow your gut and center yourself however works for you (yoga, meditation, nature, cannabis or cbd oral drops, etc). Well wishes to you.

    • Thank you @barista. I appreciate the well wishes.

      It’s definitely been different dealing with male doctors. They are probably not all this way, but in the time since I’ve been dealing with this issue, all the doctors I’ve seen who were male made me feel like I was being pathetic and ridiculous about the whole thing of not wanting to do the surgery. I guess removing a woman’s uterus is so routine for them they have difficulty understanding why it would be a big deal for us. To them it’s just another uterus to take out and throw in the trash or whatever they do with it. And the owner of the uterus is just another middle-aged woman who does not need or deserve to be comforted and reassured.

  2. Hi Monica, I know what you mean about male doctors. I had to misfortune to meet one that’s made me distrustful of all doctors now – regardless of gender. I find those trained ‘professionals’ are condescending jerks who scoff at the idea of natural healing and therefore, consider you too idiotic to explain things too.

    The other day, I had a US with a female doctor and she said one of my fibroids is so large that she couldn’t see my stomach or anything. I’m scheduled for another test to make sure nothing is pressing on my kidneys etc. I’d rather eat vegan and try the baking soda / ACV thing than surgery, but my best friend and mother are terrified for me and want me to go the surgery route.

    I hate the way I look – pregnant. Tired of saying: No, I’m not carrying a child. Tired of the looks of disbelief and the “So what’s wrong with you then.” No keen on surgery in general since I’ve always been anemic. Even before fibroids.

    Really do wish you well with the surgery and hopefully your current physician will be skilled, so tht you’ll come through the process with no further issues.

    • Hi TheHiddenMusic, I understand completely about wanting to avoid surgery and I wish you the best of luck if you choose to try natural remedies instead. It does suck to look pregnant when you’re not, but I was willing to accept that as my reality for the next few years. If not for the cancer concerns and the increased growth of the mass I would have continued to say no to the surgery. But then I might have found myself still in this same position next year with the mass even bigger than it is now. It sucks to have to deal with this; but so many women have dealt with it, and so many women are dealing with it. It would be nice if there were other solutions aside from surgery. I hope someone will eventually find something that really does work. Thanks for the well wishes, and good luck in whatever choice you make for yourself.


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