I woke up with the song “Point of No Return” from Phantom of the Opera playing in my head. Not sure if I was the one singing it; but I haven’t been able to get the song out of my head since I woke up at 5:30AM, over 7 hours ago. (Sketch is based on an image from the Phantom of the Opera [2004 film] – I drew it by hand today then touched it up with some photoshop filter effects. This is just a crop of the top part because I messed up the bottom part)
I have a lot of cleaning to do today. I was supposed to get started yesterday but I never managed to get around to it. My sister will be here in less than 24 hours so I don’t have a lot of time to play with; but my spirit just isn’t there for cleaning. Thankfully my husband started the process for me. He cleaned the kitchen and our bathroom. I just have to clean the living room and our bedroom and touch up the kitchen and bathroom; but I have zero interest in cleaning anything.
Yesterday I went out to buy some groceries and a few small things for the apartment. I went shopping at an establishment I will not name but will say, every time I go shopping there I make a declaration never to go back. But I always end up having to go back. Nothing like the experience of shopping at this place to put you in a frame of mind where you start to question your worth and the point to your life. I always like to think of myself as being somebody; but there are times when I’m reminded that on paper, when you do the math, I come up under the nobody worth nothing column.Then I have to step back and question the whole concept of being somebody. Everybody is somebody. Every way of being is as legitimate as the other. Who am I to think that this place is beneath me but perfectly fitting for someone else? To think that is to think that I am better than the people who appear to me to be perfectly at home shopping at this place. I have no interest in being the type of person who looks down with scorn and disdain at one group while aspiring to belong to another group perceived to be better and more worthy of esteem. At the same time I don’t want derogatory labels being applied to me either, and there are definitely plenty of derogatory labels applied to people who shop at this estblishment. But I guess this is one of those accept what you cannot change and change what you can situations. I have no control over people applying labels to me. I do have control over applying labels to myself or applying labels to other people.
As for the shopping trip, I ended up not buying any groceries. The experience of lugging myself up and down the aisles got to be a bit more than I could take so I had to cut it short and go back home. Will probably send my husband out later with a list.
