It has been an eventful few days. My sister arrived Thursday afternoon with my niece and nephews. I have a full house for a change. It’s weird but you’d think this was the norm, having 7 people in the house instead of 3. Right now my niece and my nephews are in the living room sleeping and it feels as natural and normal as if they have always been here; yet I haven’t seen them for about a year.
I had two outings on the 4th of July. This is no big deal for most people but quite a big deal for me. As I’ve said in other posts I live with agoraphobia. I don’t go out of the house every day. Sometimes I don’t go out of my house for months at a time. So to go out for several hours twice in one day is no minor accomplishment. It is difficult for me; but I am better at controlling my anxiety than I used to be. Over the years I have had to learn how to keep myself seeming relatively together from all outward appearances. I’m still perceived to be a bit awkward and weird no doubt; but back in the day it was so bad I used to have panic attacks and run out of places. So I can live with just seeming a little awkward and weird.
We went to the Arboretum in the afternoon then we went to see fireworks in the evening. It was pretty hot in the afternoon, but the trip to the arboretum was pleasant enough. I imagine if it had been a little bit cooler I would have found it to be even more pleasant. I took a lot of pictures of flowers.
After leaving from the arboretum we took the children to get some lunch. I was doing a no solids day on July 4th so I did not eat anything myself. I’m not comfortable eating out in public anyway. So even without the excuse of it being a no solids day for me it’s doubtful I would have eaten. Admittedly, I’m better at this stage in life than I used to be. Depending on where I am that day I can eat in public now, albeit with a heightened feeling of self consciousness. When I was younger–from adolescence to my early thirties–I couldn’t eat in public at all.
After lunch we went home. Then later in the evening we went to take in the 4th of July fireworks. I can’t tell when last I went out at night. It’s been years. And it’s probably been more than a decade since I went to see 4th of July fireworks. It was nice. Knowing that the children were enjoying it was the nicest part–hearing my niece’s sweet little voice saying “I’ll never forget this day.” Made me wonder if I ever spoke such words about anything I experienced when I was six. I took some pictures of the fireworks.
I’ll admit the fireworks ran a little long. I was feeling my nephews when they started complaining about wanting to go home; but I did enjoy the experience. I’m glad I was able to share it with my sister, my niece and nephews, my son and my husband. But it was good to get back home. I think I went to bed soon after we returned home.
Yesterday
We had a nice barbecue yesterday. We were supposed to have it on July 4th but things didn’t go according to plan. I think it worked out perfectly having it yesterday instead. Yesterday was a very nice day. We did the barbecuing on the outdoor grills setup on the apartment complex grounds. I’ve never used the grills myself and don’t anticipate ever using them again unless I am still here next year and my sister visits. I decided against having a no solids day yesterday. I wanted to eat. Eating is good; but even if I wanted to overindulge my stomach wasn’t going to let me. I can’t eat much before I am in discomfort. With the fibroids taking up so much space there’s just not a lot of room for me to work with.
I played some baseball with my niece. I played some parking lot tennis with my son and also with my sister. It was nice. I enjoy playing tennis but haven’t played in over 2 years. I usually play with my husband. We always have fun playing tennis together. He used to show off for me, jumping over the tennis net with the agility of a cat. I wonder if he still can. It wouldn’t surprise me. He’s a few years more than a decade older than I am; but he’s very agile, full of endurance and capable of more physically than is usually expected of a man his age. He’s been asking me to go play tennis since we moved here in 2012. I have kept on refusing because the courts are too public. They are positioned right in the open in front of some apartments and I haven’t wanted to play on them for that reason. But I was reminded yesterday how much I enjoy playing tennis. Maybe I need to face my fear and go out there and have some fun more often than once a year when my sister visits.
