About the picture: A few years back I wanted to try a different form or art using photography and digital technology. So I took some photographs posing wearing African garments that had been given to me as gifts by a friend of mine who visited me when I was living in Florida. I propped my area rug against the wall to create a background and then I staged some poses pretending to be sitting. I posed as three different women who are supposed to be a mother and her two daughters. I then put the individual pictures together to create the imagined scene and then transformed the image into a digital painting. I am actually still working at perfecting this digital painting. It’s not officially completed. Maybe some time this year I’ll manage to finish it and if I can manage to come up with the money I’ll get it printed on canvas to hang on my wall. It’s titled “The Village Women”
My fibroids today July 29 2014
If you’ve read any of my recent posts then you know I have been having a difficult time of things lately. I’ve been feeling fed up and frustrated with my life in general, with my marriage, with the fact that I live in a world where I am considered worthless because of the various groups into which I fall as in gender, race, age, economic class, physical attractiveness or lack thereof. I posted a rant when I felt I had been disrespected by a couple of cab drivers. I posted a poor-me spiel about wishing I had never been born. I’ve been a real bore; but I’ve been struggling with my emotions and with my thoughts of late and this blog is my outlet. So forgive me for my moments of weakness but I am human.
The condition of my fibroids today isn’t so bad all things considering. I have not been keeping to my decision to only eat solid food 2-3 days per week. That went well for a bit and then there was that interruption with the husband and his ridiculous business. It didn’t turn out to be anything. Turns out he didn’t really do anything; but even so, the incident happened and things have not been the same since. I am finding that I cannot bring myself to sleeping in the same bed with my husband because I feel that I would be allowing myself to be used by someone who doesn’t truly value me and I can’t do that to myself anymore; but this is a subject for my marriage problems website. As it relates to my fibroids, I have been off track since that incident occurred. I have suffered a bit of a setback; but it’s nothing that a 5-10 day no-solids stint can’t reset. The question is, can I get back on track with that? I am trying to see if I can avoid solids today but I don’t know. We’ll see how that works out.
My stomach is still quite large. I still look pregnant; but I think I might have found a way of dressing that enables me to distract from the largeness of my stomach. I went out a handful of times in last couple of weeks and I didn’t wear my usual skirt as a dress with a shirt over it or my enormous tank top hanging loose under a big shirt. I wore nicely fitted jeans with a short blazer and a top that was loose enough but not so enormous as to take over the scene. I focused on playing up my assets rather than on disguising my stomach; and I actually felt very sexy and confident for a change. I’ll be honest with you, I would rather feel sexy and confident than feel self conscious and insecure about my appearance. So even while my goal at this point in life isn’t to play up the sex appeal hoping to get male attention, I’ll take feeling sexy and confident any day over feeling like crap and being embarrassed to be seen. Because when I feel good about myself I don’t have to care who thinks what about how I look.
I’m still trying to get a stretch going with drinking apple cider vinegar. I don’t know yet if that’s doing anything. I haven’t been very consistent with it. I don’t think I’ve had a two week stretch where I’ve consumed apple cider vinegar every day. I think I need at least a month of drinking apple cider vinegar every day to be able to judge any impact on the size of my stomach.
I’m still working out but I haven’t been as on top of that as I need to be. I’m still doing my pseudo sled workouts with that tv cart packed with 60 pounds of weight. I find that just a couple of rounds get my heart pumping way harder than 1 hour doing my usual workout routine and if I can get the same or even greater benefit out of a shorter workout why would I opt for the longer less effective workout just to say I worked out for X number of hours? The pseudo sled workout I’ve been doing is amazing. It even helps to balance me emotionally. So for now I’ll be sticking with it. I’m calling it a pseudo sled workout because I’m using my own contraption and doing my own thing so it’s not quite the same as the popular sled workouts that are growing in popularity out there.
My immediate goal is to get myself back on track. I have to reset my system a bit, start back doing some yoga and stretching each morning, having some dance sessions each afternoon, start back working on my novel, maybe do some artwork a few times a week, work on my songwriting, work a little harder on my business websites so I can start making some money, work on my mental and emotional well-being. The fact is, however I feel about it I’m here. I exist. I need to make the most of each day that I live.
