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I’m sitting here trying to maintain my focus and to not listen to the voices in my head that are trying to scare me. As I wrote in the post about the results of the CT scan that I underwent on January 20th, there are some concerns about ovarian cancer and also other cancer possibilities. Concerns are of course not saying I have ovarian cancer or other cancers; but I’m faced with an option of taking the chance that I don’t and doing nothing or going forward with the hysterectomy. I have come to the conclusion that it would be stupid of me at this point to go the “take my chances” route. If I don’t have cancer, wonderful. If I do, maybe it will be caught in time to give me a chance at a few more years of life.

Of course having the hysterectomy is going to mean no longer having fibroids. The thought of that should be exciting to me. I should be looking forward to the possibility of getting my life back in the event I don’t have cancer. After all, the main thing about which I’ve been complaining all these years has been what the fibroids have done to my body.

But I find myself feeling weird whenever I think about not having this particular problem any more. Of course the possibility exists that after the surgery, I’ll only have bigger and more serious problems to deal with. But for now I don’t know that I have cancer. I only know that it’s a possibility and that the 3 cancers that have been suggested as possibilities are serious, with one described as an “aggressive” cancer.

So why should I be sitting here feeling weird when I think about or try to imagine what life is going to be like with no fibroids? And why should I have this ridiculous sense of feeling like I don’t deserve to be fibroid free? Why do I feel as if I don’t deserve to “not” have large tumors in my body? Why would I feel as if a fibroid-free me is going to be an unreal me? Why would I want to hold on to the fibroids in order to avoid the unknown that lies ahead?

At the end of day I guess I just need to focus on trying to calm my anxieties about the surgery so that I can get to the day of the surgery and get through it. Everything else I will have to deal with when it comes. This question I’m asking myself about whether I don’t think I deserve to be fibroid free, it’s not where my mind needs to be right now. That’s a trivial concern. It’s the irrational voices in my head doing their thing; and I can’t really afford to indulge them by listening to their pointless conversation right now. This thing is no longer just about fibroids.

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My name is Monica. I have fibroids. My fibroids are large enough that they have transformed my figure into something I am still trying to learn how to live with. In the meantime while I try to learn how to live with my fibroids I am also trying every possible method I can find to try to shrink them naturally because I am afraid of the idea of a hysterectomy. I lived with fibroids from 2007 - 2016. I started documenting my experiences on this blog in 2012. On March 7th 2016 I had a hysterectomy out of concern that I might have ovarian cancer. It did not turn out that I had ovarian cancer. The cancer scare forced the hysterectomy I was trying to avoid, and so, I became fibroid free as of March 7th 2016. I will try to keep this blog up and running in the hope that it will be of some use to others going through what I went through.

4 COMMENTS

  1. I think on a deeper level, humans naturally don’t want their parts removed…because they’re ours! But if you’ve had a 2nd or even 3rd opinion, trust your gut. My cousins and (would be) in law all said they were very relieved to not have to live with pain, bleeding and other symptoms anymore.

    The only reason I personally refuse at this point is that I’ve had enough surgeries for a while. I need a break. The anesthesia messed up a lot of my memories last time. I figure I can try natural paths while on surgery break.

    Maybe it could open your life up and you’ll have more exciting things to explore on your blog and in your life! Good luck!

  2. Hey Monica, It’s Khem at http://www.shrinkingmyfibroids.blogspot.com. According to what you most recently posted, I believe you are considering, or, are decided to have a hysterectomy. I’m not sure how long your journey with fibroids has been, but I have to ask, ‘what has your Doc suggested for you to do in shrinking your fibroids before coming to this point of having surgery?’. Did you have a chance to talk to an Acupuncturist or Holistic Doc? I noticed while reading through your site that you have done, or, are currently doing a fast. How long have you fasted, and what were your results? Have you worked on detoxing your liver to release the excess estrogen in your body? Have you tried to naturally balance your hormones? Are you taking any protoelytic enzymes to dissolve the fibroids? Unless your fibroids are cancerous, and/or causing you debilitating pain, I suggest you do all that you can to work on healing your body and not have surgery. If you need some cues, please check out my blog. I used Acupuncture to reduce large fibroids, then worked on balancing my hormones and detoxing my liver. My journey has lasted almost five years, but the things I’ve done have worked. I have one large fibroid left, and I’m positive before the end of the year that it will be gone, as long as I focus on detoxing (with Milk Thistle and Dandelion root), balance hormones (with Coconut oil), and dissolve the fibrin tissue (bromelain, papain, quercetin; eating the foods that contain these enzymes). Those are the three keys to getting rid of fibroids. Also, eating alkaline/non-estrogenic foods. Hit me up, would like to talk/support you.

    • Hi Khem,

      At this stage it is not the fibroids that are my primary concern. I feel that I was able to manage that pretty well starting since about 2012. I can’t speak to shrinkage of fibroids as I never went back to get the size of them checked; but I was successful in shrinking my stomach considerably (except for bloating at certain times of month)

      The decision to go forward with the hysterectomy is due to the results of my most recent CT scan. There is a possibility of ovarian cancer (See: http://fibroidlife.com/ct-scan-concerns-mass-coming-ovary/). The doctors appear to be leaning more towards believing the large mass (measuring in their words: “20 cm transverse by 24 cm cephalocaudad”) is originating in the ovary and is not a fibroid and could be cancerous. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot take the risk of “chancing it” any longer. If there was no cancer talk I would absolutely refuse the surgery. I’ve been back and forth with this decision since 2007 when it was first suggested. I’m very grateful that here it is 2016 and in the last 2 – 3 years I’ve had some of the healthiest periods of my life. Yes I’ve had the fibroids, but the efforts taken to shrink them naturally resulted in a stronger, healthier me (not just physically but also mentally and emotionally).

      Unfortunately, I can’t just go by how well I feel and ignore the results of the CT scan. I had one done a year ago and there were worrisome things found, but since the doctors did not appear too convinced it was cancer, I decided to decline the surgery they recommended. Now a year later the situation has worsened and they have come right out and said that cancer is a possibility and a concern based on what was shown from the CT scan.

      I think the surgery at this point is a must. It would be foolish of me to not do what is necessary in order to be sure I do not have cancer.

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