Well, I have been awake since two o’clock in the morning. I was going to get up to go back to bed but then I realized it is now six o’clock in the morning. It’s time to start the day. I probably will still go back to bed but I think I’ll take a bath first. I just finished writing “To give up or to keep fighting a winless battle”. I woke up at two o’clock in the morning feeling a bit low. Like I said in the post I have been having a rough spell. As I think about it, that rough spell has been going on for a few months now and the thin thread by which I have been holding on has not snapped; so all things considered, I guess I am not in as bad a place as I could be; but I am not in a good place and I need to do something about it. Again.
I don’t know how many times a person is allowed to fall off track before they are expected to just shut up and go away and accept their failure. I keep trying and failing and trying again and failing again. I am not sure why I keep bothering to try at all; but here I go again.
In a moment, after I complete this post, I am going to get up and go upstairs and take a bath. My bath won’t be anything specialized for treating fibroids; but I have read that there are such baths. I guess you could call them fibroid baths although I don’t think they are for fibroids specifically. They don’t necessarily “treat” fibroids but they supposedly can help in your ongoing treatment programs. I’ll have to research some ideas for creating treatments to use in my bath not only to help with the fibroids but just to help with my general outlook.
I used to only take showers; but then I moved in 2012 and the master bathroom in our apartment had a shower and a bath. I started using the bath and leaving the shower to my husband. I remember how wonderful it felt to soak in the tub for a while. My baths were like an extra layer of therapy for me. It’s hard to believe it’s been two years since we moved but come August that will be case; and it’s interesting to compare 2012/2013 to 2013/2014. I was really on top of things for a minute there; but I’ve been falling apart of late. I don’t know what happened. I guess it’s just been one stressful thing after another. You just get to a point where the balloon pops and the air gets let out of you.
Today I am going to try to start over again. I am going to begin with a nice warm bath. After my bath I’m going to come downstairs and clean the kitchen. Then I am going to bake bread using one of the packages of Fleischmann’s Simply Homemade No Knead Bread Mix’s that I bought at the grocery store yesterday. I’ve always wanted to bake my own bread. I guess this won’t really count as baking my own bread but it’s a start. I am going to try to start a fast today as well so I might not actually get to sample the bread. We’ll see how that works out.
After the bread baking I’m going to try to go back to bed. I don’t know if that will work out as planned. We’ll see.
As far as my bath goes, the only essential oil I have in my possession right now is tea tree oil. I’ll add a couple drops of that along with some wild yam extract. Hopefully the two won’t clash in any damaging way. Maybe I’ll add a few drops of some of the other herbal extracts I have sitting in the cabinet. I bought those a while back to make an herbal tea for my fibroids but I didn’t find they were helping and I thought I was behaving a bit madly and couldn’t identify which herb might be making me crazy so I stopped using them. Hopefully nothing bad will result from putting them in my bath.
I need to get myself back on track. I need to regain control over myself. I have been unfocussed, uninspired, and completely off-center. I have been over-eating for 7 straight days, getting less and less exercise and allowing myself to soak up negative energy from one source or another. I have not been treating myself well lately and it’s time for me to do something about it. Again.