Home Journal Sunday January 18th 2015 10:58 AM

Sunday January 18th 2015 10:58 AM

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I don’t know where things stand for me right now. Yesterday I was 100% certain that I had come to a decision about the hysterectomy. That decision was that I wasn’t going to go through with it. Not in February. I was going to tell the doctor on Tuesday that I needed time to try to prepare my mind and body. I was going to ask about Lupron and trying to get the fibroids down in preparation for surgery to minimize the risks. But after speaking with my dad last night I’m not as sure about yesterday’s firm conviction.

I woke up this morning with a voice in my head telling me I’ve lived with this thing for far too long. I’m robbing myself of a comfortable life. But is it the fibroids fault that I haven’t lived comfortably or is it mine? Do the fibroids really get it my way every day of my life? I can’t say that they do. Between my mind (stress, depression, anxiety, worry) and the fibroids, I would have to say 95% of my problems have been caused by my mind and 5% by the fibroids.

Only insofar as they have made me self conscious about my body have the fibroids really been a constant bother. The in-between period bleeding happened only twice or 3 times since 2007. Last month’s bleeding was not a period. Last month I injured myself. I was being ridiculous working out like I was training for some power-pushing contest. I was pushing around a cart packed with pounds of weight. And I was blocking the cart with my couch so that I was having to push it around with the couch impeding my progress to make it more difficult to get from point A to point B. I was doing this for weeks. I started with my loveseat. Then I graduated to the couch. I strained something one day but didn’t pay attention to it. And not too long after, while doing a series of squats and kicks, I began to bleed suddenly. The bleeding stopped a couple of days after my trip to the emergency room. But it resumed again after I went cleaning my closet. I lifted a box and immediately started to bleed again. So I am convinced that was all the result of an internal injury.

Over all I don’t think that I’ve been suffering with a lot of symptoms from my fibroid like the doctors are assuming. Most of the time I’m going to the bathroom at a normal rate. I have had some heavy periods but most recently it’s been more like “where’s my period?” It seems to take longer to arrive. And when it arrives it’s not nearly as heavy as in the past. The first day is probably still heavier than normal for the average woman; but by comparison to my own heaviest days it’s not been as bad. And even while it might stretch over a few days, after the first full day, there is little to no bleeding. It’s almost as if I’m going into menopause. Frankly that would be the most awesome thing at this point. It’s like “bring it on!”

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My name is Monica. I have fibroids. My fibroids are large enough that they have transformed my figure into something I am still trying to learn how to live with. In the meantime while I try to learn how to live with my fibroids I am also trying every possible method I can find to try to shrink them naturally because I am afraid of the idea of a hysterectomy. I lived with fibroids from 2007 - 2016. I started documenting my experiences on this blog in 2012. On March 7th 2016 I had a hysterectomy out of concern that I might have ovarian cancer. It did not turn out that I had ovarian cancer. The cancer scare forced the hysterectomy I was trying to avoid, and so, I became fibroid free as of March 7th 2016. I will try to keep this blog up and running in the hope that it will be of some use to others going through what I went through.

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