It’s possible to both take yourself too seriously and not take yourself seriously enough. I’m guilty of both. But neither is impossible to fix. My mind is kind of all over the place right now. I’ve been trying not to focus too much on my fibroids for the last few days. Trying to get back in control of things. Have composed a document to present to the doctors who are recommending that I undergo surgery on February 12. It is basically informing them that I would like to make an attempt to get the fibroids down a bit before I undergo any kind of surgery. At this stage my mind is made up that I will not be undergoing surgery on February 12. The only way that this will change is if something happens that leaves no room for doubt that the surgery has to happen immediately. So I am asking the doctors about Lupron. I suspect they’ll tell me Lupron is out of my budget. Hopefully there are other things they can try aside from Lupron. If there’s nothing I’ll just have to try to see what I can do for myself. But I am giving myself at least two more months. And if nothing improves then I’ll go ahead and get the surgery.
In the meantime I’m trying to get my life back on track. Things have been out of order for nearly two months. And I’m not sure there’s really anything going on at all. For all I know this is all about menopause being around the corner. It’s a perfectly valid possibility. I’m not sick. Most of the time I feel perfectly fine. It’s pretty amazing because I’ve been consuming mostly non solid food everyday for nearly two months. And I’m only consuming what my stomach can hold right now which isn’t much. Yet I feel very strong most days. I have been trying to make smart decisions about what I consume. Trying to make sure I am getting the nutrients I need. The excessive bleeding is really the only issue. And now that I know women can have a period every two weeks when menopause is near I am less inclined to panic about the fact that I had two periods in December and I am now on my second period for January. It’s messy and frustrating. But it is possibly perfectly normal. Why shouldn’t I go with that mindset? I’m not urinating excessively. My digestive system seems to be functioning just fine. The fibroid that usually makes it difficult for me to sit has dropped enough to allow me to do a head to knee forward bend without feeling any pain or feeling anything shift in my abdomen.
Why should I go with the mindset of crisis when my body does not feel as if it’s in crisis? I don’t feel that I should. And so I will not. If something happens to change my mind tomorrow, I’ll adjust accordingly.
