I know I have not written an update since June. That is because I have been too busy not paying attention to my fibroids. It’s amazing the difference it has made since I decided to no longer empower my fibroids. For the most part they have been under control. It may be due to either pending menopause or something more serious, but I am having 45 day stretches between cycles and mostly very light when there is a cycle with just a handful of days and hardly anything to speak of. There has been 1 period of extended bleeding similar to what I experienced last November when I went to the emergency room; but for the most part I haven’t been dealing with any fibroid related issues.
I am writing this post today really to state that I will be taking the site down for a few weeks while I try to resolve a hosting issue. It would appear that the site might have been hacked at some point and I need to try to figure out what is going on and how to fix it.
It should hopefully be something that is easy to fix. When I get it back up and running I will try again for the millionth time to update the site more frequently with a focus on living well and not allowing fibroids to control your life.
I have made it to the 30th day of my 30-day mission to avoid solid food for the month of June. I remember 15 days ago wondering how in the world I was going to make it for another 15 days. Getting to day 15 was difficult. Getting to day 30 seemed impossible; but here I am.
I haven’t yet made a plan for going forward from today. I’ll probably continue to avoid solids for now. But at least if I am struck by a craving for something to chew I don’t have to fight to resist that craving.
The fibroids are still in residence. But they haven’t been too much of a nuisance. I continue to make every effort not to make them take over my life in the way they have done since I discovered I had them. And I have to say, since I made the decision to stop empowering my fibroids a lot has changed for the better. So I thank the lady who contacted me privately with her insight and suggestion that I was giving my fibroids too much power. She helped me to realize that I was indeed going about my life as if everything had to be shaped around the fact that I have fibroids.
I am definitely in a good place at the moment. I am feeling strong. And while I still have my daily struggles, I am feeling far more in balance than I have in many years. Yes there are hormonal things that I am dealing with that are far from pleasant. But they’re not dominating the story of my life.
Even with my fibroid belly, I am looking and feeling the best I have in several years. I can’t predict what lies ahead; but where I am right now is significantly better than where I was 7 months ago. And I am very grateful.
If you’re trying to shrink your fibroids I wish you all the luck in the world. I’ve been at this battle for 7-9 years. I’ve tried countless remedies hoping to shrink my fibroids. The fibroids have not shrunken. But my stomach is no longer as bloated as it had become. While there is still bloating that’s associated with my menstrual cycle, the additional bloating caused by my diet has been under control.
Maybe you might have luck shrinking your fibroids. But in the meantime, if you’re walking around looking like you’re 7 or more months pregnant, half of that could be gas related bloating. And a change in your diet can fix it. I resisted changing my diet for a long time. I didn’t want to be restricted in what I could eat. But I’ve come to realize that the only effective way of controlling the situation (for me) is by adhering to a very restricted diet.
To be honest I am still struggling with the idea of having to be so strict with my diet. I like the freedom to eat. After so many years starving myself to stay thin, it felt good not having to care for that period of time I stopped caring and ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to eat it. When you don’t have very many pleasures in life, food can become a comfort. When I’m stressed, depressed, anxious I turn to food. So this is going to be a difficult journey going forward. But I know that food is the key to managing life with fibroids, At least for me it is. I can’t eat whatever I want whenever I want to eat it. And now that my 30-day no solids mission is over I have to figure out how to get back on solids without setting myself back to square one.
carrots beets butternut squash almonds prep for blended soup
Somehow I am still on track with my mission to avoid solid foods for the 30 days of June. Today is Day 24. I got through days 20, 21, 22 and 23. I think I struggled on all 4 of these days. I can’t remember which days were particularly difficult but I know I had at least a couple of particularly difficult days between the 20th and the 23rd.
Right now I’m trying to figure out how to approach things going forward. How do I eliminate the need to do any more of these 30-day missions of avoiding solid food? Can I successfully resume the restricted diet that was working so well for me before I decided to try that piece of gluten free bread? Should I even try to restrict my diet as severely as that?
It’s going to be difficult because I still get bread cravings. But I can’t keep subjecting my system to these dramatic changes in my diet routine. So I really need to figure out how to balance things so that these extremes can be avoided. If I try to completely deprive myself of bread I’ll likely end up here again. Because I’ll give in to a craving one day and then I’ll justify having more bread the next day and the day after that.
I think I’ll need to create some kind of written down plan for what I’ll eat every day. And I’ll allot at least a couple of days per month when I’m allowed bread.
Today’s beet mango avocado blended in almond milk lunch…
Things are going to be more difficult going forward because I’ll have to somehow manage to maintain the results I’ve achieved while following a balanced enough diet that it doesn’t feel like I’m suffering myself. I think when that feeling is present it makes it more difficult to fight the urges to impulse eat and stress eat.
So as hard as it was to get to Day 24 (and I still have 6 days to go), the hardest part of this is going to be getting this fibroid diet thing right once and for all. If I’m going to have the fibroids for the rest of my life, I’ll have to modify my eating habits around my condition for the rest of my life. But it needs to be done smartly and sensibly so that I will be able to make it stick and stick with it.
I am still on track with my mission to avoid solid food for the 30 days of June 2015. But it’s getting progressively more difficult to stick this out. I’m bored with eating blended soups and nut butters. But I do feel significantly more comfortable in my body right now. And although I have patches of time where I feel a little low in spirit, I’m in a good place for the most part. I’ve been feeling more playful, more energized and more positive.
For these past couple of days it’s been a little difficult to feel particularly good in light of what recently took place in South Carolina. It’s a pretty depressing state of affairs and it makes me fear for the people I love. But I know I can’t just sit and dwell on my fears. It’s not easy to release my fears at such times when I’m reminded that tragedy can strike at any time, but I have to keep trying.
I imagine I should be able to get through today. But I did almost decide to quit the mission earlier this morning. I was struck by an impulse to say screw it and go on a solid food fridge hunt. I even motioned to get up and act on the impulse; but I didn’t. So I think at this point I’m in control of my impulses to quit. If I quit the mission it will be a consciously made decision rather than an impulsive act. I want to try to stick it out. I’m not sure it’s necessary for me to stick it out; but I only have 11 days to go so I might as well try. Not that 11 days is minor. It’s still a long way to go. But right this very moment I feel like I can do it. Maybe I’ll feel differently in an hour.
The finished blended broccoli yellow squash and kale soup from Day 17. I did not suffer any bad reactions to the broccoli so that’s a good thing.
I had blended butternut and yellow squash soup on Day 18; but I didn’t bother with the picture taking. I was way too hungry to keep myself back taking pictures.
I’ll probably have butternut squash soup again today. Depends on if I don’t get a chance to go to the supermarket. If I do get a chance I’ll try to pick up something different. Beet and carrot blended soup? We’ll see what happens.
I have made it to the halfway point. Today was tough, but I got through it. I stayed busy dividing my time between working and cleaning the apartment. I’m pretty amazed by how much housework I was able to get done today. It was almost like I was my old self. The only times I’ve seen that self in the last several years have been the occasions when I had to clean because family was coming to visit. I’ve managed to get the living room nearly spotless. I’ve cleared out the shelves in the little alcove where I have my desk setup. And it was a hot mess. Everything was a hot mess. I work out of my living room so I had clothes and shoes, arts & crafts stuff, fabric, dumbbells, yoga mat, books, lighting equipment, jewelry–you name it and you could find it strewn somewhere in the living room and in my actual office area.
Somehow I managed to get downstairs cleaned up and looking decent. Tomorrow I will tackle my bedroom (at least that’s the plan for today).
Another day of the 30-day no solids mission completed successfully. And another day of not giving fibroids control over my life.
Basically just ate cashew butter and blended soup today. I find that cashew butter works better than almond butter for warding off hunger.
Today’s blended soup was made with kale, zucchini, and yellow squash. For flavor I used fresh garlic, an onion and salt. I included almonds for some additional protein and other nutrients.
I know my blended soup pics are probably getting annoying; but I have 15 more days to go doing this 30-day no-solids things. So you might see a few more pics.
For now I am going to wrap this up because I can barely think. I am way sleepy. I think I’ll call it a night.
I made it through Day 13 (yesterday) and I’m nearly to the end of Day 14. I have another 16 days to go. Today was a bit more difficult to tough out than the previous days. But I’ve managed to resist the temptation to quit.
I felt quite a bit weak today. I think maybe I’m falling a little short of the number of calories I need to consume in order to maintain my strength and be able to make it to day 30. I started out on an outing with my son and had to turn back because I could barely walk. This is of course not the goal of my 30-day no solids mission. I’m not interested in being weak and hungry.
Once I got back to the apartment I had some almond butter to eat. Then I made myself some blended soup.
Today’s blended soup was made of butternut squash, yellow squash, zucchini, yellow bell pepper. I added almonds to fortify it, fresh ginger, fresh garlic, salt and other seasoning to taste. It was quite good.
I am feeling much stronger now. I was able to do some push-ups and squats. Something I could not have managed earlier with my arms and legs feeling totally drained.
Yesterday’s blended soup (June 13 2015) – butternut squash with red bell pepper…
Yesterday’s butternut squash soup was also very good. It consisted of butternut squash with a red bell pepper, garlic, almonds and salt to taste.
For tomorrow I have no idea what I’m going to eat. I’m ready to try a different kind of soup. Maybe I’ll test out some broccoli to see if I can start eating it again. I had to stop eating it for a bit because it was causing me gastrointestinal problems. Maybe some broccoli cabbage and spinach soup. Or cauliflower cabbage soup. Or kale broccoli, kale cauliflower. Something involving kale and one or more of broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage and spinach. Plus the usual tea, almond milk or coconut milk, cashew butter and almond butter. In the mean time I’ll look around for sugar free dairy free frozen desserts that I can purchase or make myself.
Kale yellow squash zucchini soup preparation before blending
I made it through day 11 and Day 12 successfully. Today is the 13th day. I have 17 days to go. Day 12 wasn’t terribly difficult. The men brought pizza into the house for their dinner. I wasn’t much bothered by it as far as temptation goes. Usually the smell will make me wish I could have a slice but it didn’t do that yesterday. For dinner I had a mango blended in almond milk and fortified with nut butter. It wasn’t particularly tasty. I would have made a blended soup but I am out of everything except kale. I might make a trip to the grocery store today.
My no-solids consumption remains limited to nut butters, and blended soups and occasionally some blended fruits. I’ve been having dairy free ice cream to help ward off boredom and to treat myself. But I’ve been neglecting to pay attention to the sugar content. I’ve been avoiding sugar to the best of my ability so I’ll be having to say no to the dairy free ice cream unless I can find one that is also sugar free.
Like I said I didn’t blend any soups on Day 12. But I did get around to trying that kale zucchini yellow squash blended soup I mentioned on Day 10. I made it for dinner on Day 11.
Kale zucchini yellow squash soup – June 11 2015
If I don’t get out to the store today I’ll probably just try to see what I can put together with the rest of the kale, avocado and bell peppers. I have a hard time imagining the bell peppers will make for a good choice for blended soup but who knows?
Today is off to an okay start. I think I might have actually managed to get 8 hours of sleep last night. I’m hoping it’s the case. I can’t remember what time I went to bed. It’s rare when I am able to sleep more than 6 hours. Any time that happens I am filled with gratitude.
Whether or not I’ll make it to day 30 remains questionable. Especially if I can’t find something to eat when I go through spells of anxiety, stress or emotional lows. That’s the time when it’s hardest to stay the course. An impulse eating habit can be like an addiction. If you don’t resolve the trigger issues, you’re less likely to successfully overcome the addiction.
But I would have to say this has been a fairly good week as far as the management of my anxiety and stress and depression. I’ve been staying busy. I got dolled up yesterday to take some pictures for an editorial for another blog. The fibroids didn’t bother me in the least. My stomach has settled down some from last week and the week before (that pre-cycle bloating). It’s still protruding but I think I am finally at a point where I can work with it.
Dressing like this hasn’t been possible for years now. Or maybe it was possible but I was so hung up on being ashamed of my body that I chose to go the other route in my style. I was previously embracing the maternity look. Sometimes when out in public I’d even adapt that pregnant lady hand on belly stance to play along knowing people would look at me and think I was pregnant anyway.
These days I’m trying to come out of that mindset where I regard my stomach as something to hide. It’s a little bit easier to do that when it exits the pre-cycle phase.
I think the most important thing for me has been taking control over the things that are in my power to control. Eliminating foods that adversely affect my core at large, keeping up with exercise, working harder to manage my anxiety and stress, not indulging depression. I can’t tell anyone what is right for them; but I strongly recommend if you are looking 6 months pregnant or more that you start to pay attention to the over-all health of your core system. You could be dealing with additional issues and not just the fibroids. You could also be dealing with hormone issues related to menopause rather than to your fibroids. Since coming to that realization for myself my condition has been a lot easier to manage.
Speaking for myself, there was (and still is) a lot of ignorance about my body at this stage in life. Things started changing at around age 35 but I didn’t realize what was going on. I didn’t know that I should be expecting such drastic changes and that I should be adjusting my lifestyle accordingly. My fibroids didn’t have to get as big as they did get. I was between age 36 and 37 when I discovered them. I was doing sit-ups when I felt a bump. I went to the doctor and it was insanity from that point. My life quickly became a “fibroid life”.
I now know that I caused things to get out of control by not understanding what I was really dealing with. I figured I was a perfectly healthy person who just happened to have fibroids because I was genetically pre-disposed (mother, grandmother, some of my sisters). I looked at the fibroids as if they were isolated from everything else. I didn’t get that they were connected to a process. I didn’t understand that they were a symptom rather than a stand-alone problem. Again, I’m speaking for myself. But what I have concluded for myself about my particular situation is that all of the changes were connected to the same process of my body preparing itself to transition to the menopausal stage (It can take well over a decade for some women).
And I needed to be taking care of the internal environment of my body as necessary to enable it to go through the process as smoothly as possible. But I didn’t connect one thing to another. There were so many signs and so many symptoms. But I didn’t know they were all connected. I treated them like they were their own individual problem. And all the while I kept living the same way, eating the same foods not realizing that something I was eating could be feeding one problem which could impact another problem which in turn could impact yet another problem. I just kept feeding all of these different problems. And they just kept feeding off each other, keeping me spinning around in a crazy cycle.
The fibroids benefited from my ignorance of the fact that my body as was actively transitioning out of the child-bearing stage. I kept them thriving by keeping their environment well stocked with everything needed for them to thrive and grow. But I’m understanding it all better now. And the most powerful thing to come out of my ongoing enlightenment is the realization that there’s nothing wrong with me. This is all just part of the process of life. And I’m closer to the end of the transitional phase than to the middle. I know there’s new stuff waiting for me on the other side; but like all the women who came before me, those long gone and those who are right now dealing with what waits for me, I’ll be up to the task of handling it.
Completed Day 10 successfully yesterday. Today is day 11. Struggling so far today because I am out of things to eat to keep myself from getting hungry. So struggling with hunger at present which makes it harder to avoid eating solids.
Yesterday wasn’t terribly difficult. I don’t recall experiencing any temptation to eat solids. I was never hungry at any point in the day (that I can remember right now). I don’t think I did any blending yesterday.
Cut to 9:54AM
Had to get up to make some blended soup for breakfast. Couldn’t handle the hunger and didn’t have anything else to use for food except for some vegetables. So I made a kale butternut squash soup. It’s probably a little early for soup but I couldn’t wait until noon to get something to eat.
Hopefully that will keep me until one o’clock.
The soup looks like something you expel rather than something you ingest. But it was edible. I’ll try a blended yellow squash zucchini kale soup for lunch later.
Cut to 1:48PM
For the most part things are going well. I still can’t imagine I’ll be able to make it to 30 days; but I’ve made it to 11 and that’s pretty good. I tried for months to get this second 30-day no solids project off to a start and I just couldn’t get it to stick for more than a couple of days. So to get to day 11 is more than pretty good.
My stomach continues to settle down from the pre-cycle bloating. It’s still noticeably large. People would still assume I’m pregnant. But I’m not particularly bothered by it at the moment. It’s not so large as to make me look nearly full term. Most of the time I can camouflage it.
Photo taken a few minutes ago. It almost looks like I don’t have a protruding stomach. But my stomach could pass for a 20-week pregnancy right now.
Helathwise I am feeling pretty good. I feel strong. I’m still trying to keep up with my fitness. I’m stretching, doing yoga, meditating, getting cardio. I’ve eased up on the heavy weight pushing out of fear that I’ll injure myself again. I’ve restricted the weight stuff to doing some work with a 15 pound weight bar and a couple of 15 pound dumbbells. I think staying focused on diet and fitness has done a lot more to improve my situation than anything else I’ve tried.
I won’t presume to give advice to anyone; but I think if I had focused on removing certain foods from my diet starting back in 2009, and stuck it out to this point, I might today have as near to a flat stomach as is possible to have with large fibroids. That in combination with regular exercise gets my core stronger and healthier so that it has fewer things to battle. When I’m just eating whatever I want I create numerous other issues for my stomach to battle including severe gas problems that result in extreme bloating. That is when crazy things start happening like things getting pushed out of their allotted space and fibroids lodging right under my breast and making it difficult even to sit down.
I don’t know that I won’t fall off track again. Like I’ve written in previous posts I tend to make bad decisions with regard to food choices when I’m depressed or stressed or otherwise anxiety riddled. Usually there aren’t terribly unhealthy food choices around for me to eat. But sometimes my husband brings things into the house that aren’t healthy such as fried chicken, cake, pizza. I’ve been managing to avoid eating these things for the most part since last year. But it’s still a conscious and concerted effort. Eating strictly healthy foods has not quite yet become my new committed lifestyle.
I tried to put this entry in yesterday but just didn’t have it. So this is being written on the morning of Day 10. Yesterday went well. I survived Day 9 pretty easily. It was another long day of trying to complete some work I was unable to finish on Monday. I can’t remember experiencing any cravings for solid food yesterday. I did wish at dinner time that I was not off solids; but it wasn’t so much a craving as a conscious thought. I again made red bean rice for my husband and son’s dinner and I would have liked to try it. But like they used to say back when I was a kid growing up, it’s not as if rice is going out of style. There will always be rice and there will always be beans. So at some point after the 30 days (if I make it), I can indulge in some red bean rice.
I didn’t make anything yesterday in the blended food department. I got by on just cashew butter and honey-sweetened almond milk. I did attempt to blend a piece of avocado with some kale for dinner but that didn’t quite work out. Had to dump that down the garbage disposal.
As far as the condition of the fibroids and my stomach, everything is fine there. Nothing out of the ordinary. My cycle has finally started, so my stomach is adjusting itself preparing to settle into the post-cycle phase. The pre-cycle phase isn’t fun. And the fact that I go through it twice now that 2 cycles per month seems to be the rule is even less fun. But at least I know that it will ease once my cycle starts.
These days I’m not feeling nearly as frustrated about having fibroids as I used to. The main frustration for me was the change in my appearance. Looking pregnant when I’m not hasn’t been fun. But I think I’m finally coming around to a point of acceptance of my altered body. And I’m learning how not to dress for my fibroids. By that I mean to say, when dressing to go out I’ve made my fibroids the main focus for several years now. These days I’m ignoring the fibroids as much as possible. There are times when they cannot be ignored; but for the most part I’ve been wearing regular clothes instead of trying to fashion tents under which I can hide my body.
I have a fibroid-full belly. Okay. So what? My mother went through the same thing I’m going through and I never saw her try to hide her changed shape. I never saw her hang her head in shame because she was no longer considered to have a nice shape on account of having a swollen belly. She continued to dress nicely. She wore normal-sized dresses. She wore belts at her waist. She didn’t dress in old-school maternity wear and adapt the mannerisms of a pregnant lady. She treated herself well. She did not dress with her purpose being to hide her stomach because she was so embarrassed about and ashamed of how she looked
I still do try to hide my stomach as much as possible if I can; but that is no longer my sole focus and purpose when putting an outfit together to go out (I have been getting out a little bit more though still nothing close to what is considered normal). I have realized I can still look nice (nice by my own personal style definition). I don’t have to try to disappear under many yards of cloth and hide myself for shame because I have a body that people will notice for all the wrong reasons. When all is said and done what is there to fear?
Some people will not notice me at all
Some people notice me and think I’m pregnant
Some people will notice me and think I have a big belly
Some people will notice me and think I have an ugly body
People–>notice–think…
People notice and they think and because of that I’m going to not live? I’m going to not live out of fear that people will notice and think? I’m going to live my life hiding myself, hating myself because I have a body that people will notice and think something about that isn’t flattering to my ego? Seriously? I think I can and absolutely must do better than that.
Ran out of time yesterday so I’m doing a re-cap of Day 8 on the morning of Day 9. I survived Day 8. It wasn’t particularly difficult. I consumed mostly cashew butter. At a few points in the day I made a paste with cashew butter, cinnamon and a little bit of honey. Less than a serving of cashew butter is necessary for this paste and it keeps my hunger pangs away for hours. The honey isn’t necessary. And I don’t usually use it but I have some in the house from that attempted dairy free mango coconut ice cream so I figured I’d take a break from the splenda.
I was pretty busy most of yesterday so I didn’t have time on my hands to build up the kind of stress and frustration that trigger my impulse food cravings. I think I may have made it through the day without experiencing a single craving for solid food. In fact I was so distracted by my work, by the time I remembered I had wanted to make the soup I was supposed to make for Day 7 dinner for yesterday’s lunch, it was already dinner time. And I wasn’t remotely hungry.
But I went ahead and made the soup so that I could have something to show for Day 8. And also to get some additional nutrients.
My intention was to make a blended kale spinach zucchini soup with yellow squash; but I forgot all about the zucchini and the squash.
So I ended up making another blended kale and spinach soup. Pretty much the same soup from Day 6. I sauteed garlic, onion and almonds in olive oil in a pan. Then I added the kale and spinach. Sauteed that until the kale and spinach changed consistency. Then I added some water and salt, cooked it for a little bit longer. Then I transferred the mixture to the blender and liquified it.
Mine made enough to offer some to my son and my husband. They both ate it without any complaints so I imagine it tasted okay. Nothing that will curl the toes but a satisfying bowl of soup to help make it less unpleasant when avoiding solids.
