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So I had my appointment on the 20th, and I have been told the results yesterday (21st).

Basically I have been told that the mass in my abdomen has increased in size since the last CT Scan a year ago when I had to go to the emergency room. The way they have framed it “Although the working diagnosis for this is multiple uterine fibroids, ovarian malignancy is a concern”. Apparently there is “additional fluid in the anterior peritoneal cavity” and “apparent vascularity”. I don’t know what any of this means yet. I haven’t settled down well enough to look them up. I’ve asked to speak with the doctor; but she hasn’t returned my call as of yet. I will try to find out more once I do hear back. Specifically whether other things could cause this fluid and vascularity stuff (not as a means of continuing to try to avoid the inevitable but just to reduce the volume of the alarm bells).

The recommendation was that I needed to follow up with the surgeon they had me see last year to revisit the discussion about getting the mass removed.

I do think that this time around I must go forward with the hysterectomy. They’re not saying I have ovarian cancer; but they are saying that it’s a possibility and they will not be able to know without performing the surgery.  I don’t think that I can claim to want to live and choose to take a risk that there is no cancer and so continue to refuse to do the surgery. And I want to live.

So there you have it. After all this time trying to avoid a hysterectomy, it looks like I’m going to be forced to get one in order to prevent ovarian cancer (if I don’t already have it) or hopefully to buy myself a few more years if I do.

How do I feel right now? I’m trying to stay calm. It’s not easy; but I think I’m doing reasonably well. I know that whatever lies ahead, I am going to need to be my strongest for my sake as well as for my son’s. At this present moment there is no longer a question of surgery or no. So I have to get busy re-applying for the community care program that I’m on so that I will have the funding to cover the surgery. I have to get focused on getting my anxiety under control so that I can deal with what lies ahead. I’m ready to do whatever I have to do. No looking backwards and wondering what might have been had I done this or that at this time or that time. Time to put on the suit of armor, grab the sword and the spear and go to war.

Dear mom and dad, I know I told you about this website in the past and sometimes I wonder if you stop by to visit. I’m hoping not, because I haven’t called you yet to let you know the latest developments. In case you do see this post before I’ve given you a call, I’m just not wanting to worry you, that’s why I haven’t called yet. But once I’ve had my appointment on the 3rd of February and I know what’s going to be happening going forward and when it’s going to be happening, I will call to let you know. I love you both. Thank you for being both models of strength and tenacity. I know on the outside it doesn’t appear I represent you well in that way. I have all this panic and anxiety and all these fears that have crippled me for so many years of my life; but I do think you gave me that strength and tenacity. You gave it to all of us, and the evidence is that we are all still here fighting despite everything we’ve all been through together as a family and individually.

 

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My name is Monica. I have fibroids. My fibroids are large enough that they have transformed my figure into something I am still trying to learn how to live with. In the meantime while I try to learn how to live with my fibroids I am also trying every possible method I can find to try to shrink them naturally because I am afraid of the idea of a hysterectomy. I lived with fibroids from 2007 - 2016. I started documenting my experiences on this blog in 2012. On March 7th 2016 I had a hysterectomy out of concern that I might have ovarian cancer. It did not turn out that I had ovarian cancer. The cancer scare forced the hysterectomy I was trying to avoid, and so, I became fibroid free as of March 7th 2016. I will try to keep this blog up and running in the hope that it will be of some use to others going through what I went through.

3 COMMENTS

  1. hi, you should make sure you keep away from all dairy products, processed foods and white flour, and sugar along with doing some daily exercise and yoga. than tell me of your results.

    • Sekunda, thank you for your suggestions. These are all things that have been part of the management routine for a good while, and they have certainly been helpful in giving me back my energy and greatly improving my life. Unfortunately, this has had no real effect where the size of my fibroids is concerned. I am at the end of the road rather than at the beginning. After at least 7 years trying to shrink my fibroids, I’ve come to a point of no longer being able to avoid surgery. My stomach has grown too large, and there is concern that the mass might be a tumor in my ovary which could potentially be malignant. So I am not at liberty to hold off and hope for the best while I try other natural remedies. My surgery is scheduled for Monday March 7th (5 days from today).

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